


Illuminati and Coffee

by helloyesIamtrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Memes, Mutual Pining, SO MUCH FLUFF, and memes in general, they're both so thirsty lmao, this time with instagram meme accounts, yet another coffee shop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloyesIamtrash/pseuds/helloyesIamtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makki is your friendly neighborhood barista who is plagued by a regular dubbed 'Really-Hot-Guy' and is highkey thirsting. <br/>Matsukawa is a simple meme account owner who has good taste in pink haired baristas. <br/>Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illuminati and Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greyaise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyaise/gifts).



> Dedicated to my lawfully wedded internet meme- I mean wife @greyaise thanks babe Illuminati confirmed  
> Look I was missing MatsuHana so I made this self-indulgence I'm highkey not sorry (but lowkey a lil bit)   
> Enjoy the fluff my dudes

“Oikawa, I’m dead, go on without me.” 

“What is it now, Makki?” 

“He’s back, I can’t do this.” Hanamaki said anxiously, looking over his friend’s shoulder to the front of their coffeeshop to their new regular. Usually, he loved his job. Coffee was his lifeblood anyway, so it was fun to work at the local shop, especially since Oikawa and Yahaba worked there, too. This was before Really-Hot-Guy started to come in every weekday. He was the embodiment of Hanamaki’s type - gorgeous (lidded!) eyes, effortlessly-tousled hair, fairly tall, and a smile that could and would make anyone melt. 

It was unfair, really. 

“You know, you could just talk to him, or actually be at the register when he orders.” Yahaba pointed out in exasperation. “You haven’t even spoken to him.” Hanamaki snorted at the prospect, mostly because of how cliche it would be. Everyone meets at coffee shops these days.

“One doesn’t simply talk to Adonis, Yahaba! Please, Oikawa?” Hanamaki fired back, his expression pleading as he turned to his other friend.

“You’ll have to talk to him at some point, Makki.” Oikawa sighed, and once again took the register for a few minutes to take Really-Hot-Guy’s order, even though Hanamaki was already making it - he always ordered a medium iced coffee. Making it was fine, as long as he didn’t come into contact with said hot guy. By the time Really-Hot-Guy finished ordering, he was almost done making his drink, so when the pink-haired barista looked up and saw Really-Hot-Guy looking at him curiously, an eyebrow raised as if to ask ‘Mine?’, he froze up, helpless as the customer walked over. Wordlessly, Hanamaki handed him his drink, hoping that he didn’t look to awestruck, and right as Really-Hot-Guy was about to open his mouth and say something, a panicking voice rang in the back. 

“Makki, a little help?” He heard Oikawa yell, and he didn’t know whether to thank or kill his friend. 

“Dammit, Oikawa.” Hanamaki hissed to himself, giving the man an apologetic look before running back to his friend. When he opened the back door, he groaned as he saw his friend struggle with the espresso machine, once again stuck. Hanamaki fiddled with the machine for all of five seconds before it whirred to life, and he had the right to look mildly embarrassed. 

“Really-Hot-Guy was about to talk to me.” Hanamaki groaned. 

“He comes back every day, Makki, you can thirst over him tomorrow. Besides, you know that thing hates me!” Oikawa whined, frantically trying to get a stain out of his apron. It was true, the espresso machine had a long rivalry with his friend, it was hilarious how it worked for literally everyone except for the former setter.

With a sigh, Hanamaki took a glance at the clock- his shift was over. He rushed home to change into sweatpants and sulk, before his phone vibrated. Checking it, he saw it was an Instagram notification from his DMs. Opening the app, he saw it was from Oikawa. The DM was a blurry picture, though he could make out that it was definitely at the coffee shop. At first, he couldn’t understand the relevance, but then he made out a human blur that had pink hair - it was probably him.

PrettySetter: omg makki look at the caption  
PrettySetter: look at the ACCOUNT   
Hanameme: wtf ok????

Curiously, he clicked on it, and was confused even farther - it was a funny textpost account that he’s followed for a while, onlythedankest. It always cheers him up when he has a bad day, but he’s never paid much attention any of the captions. He hadn’t noticed this picture before, but he scrolled down, and sure enough, there was a picture of him from about a month ago. The comment said ‘holy shit I went to this coffee shop and there’s a hella cute pink-haired barista guess who’s coming back tomorrow’. 

Oh. 

A light pink dusted the boy’s cheeks as he quickly began to scroll up and read all of the captions on the posts since then, and he found that multiple mentioned him - ‘went back today and the barista and we looked at each other awkwardly I’m swooning’, ‘he always makes my drink #husbandmaterial’, and ‘my husband wasn’t here today *sigh sigh*’. This was both flattering and hilarious, a large smile plastered on his face as he scrolled up before he was interrupted by a new DM from Oikawa. 

PrettySetter: WELL????   
Hanameme: holy shit   
Hanameme: lowkey think he’s my soulmate   
PrettySetter: DID YOU READ HIS LATEST ONE THO MAKKI 

His eyebrows furrowing slightly, he went back to the account and clicked on the most recent picture - it was blank, so it probably meant a rant when it came to these accounts. 

onlythedankest: MAJOR UPDATE IN THE CHRONICLES OF THE CUTE BARISTA today he handed me my drink and he’s even prettier up close wtf???? Anyway I was about to say thank you (and actually speak to him) but then he got pulled away by one of his coworkers fml

Hanamaki read over the caption once, twice, three times, momentarily forgetting how to breathe. 

Hanameme: NO FUCKIN WAY   
PrettySetter: YES FUCKIN WAY   
PrettySetter: IT HAS TO BE REALLY-HOT-GUY   
PrettySetter: MAKKI YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS   
PrettySetter: YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM   
Hanameme: HOW DOES ONE EVEN BRING THIS UP THO  
PrettySetter: IDK   
Hanameme: HOLY FUCK  
PrettySetter: YOU’RE DOING THIS TOMORROW AT WORK I WANT TO WITNESS THIS   
Hanameme: OK???? 

The next day, Oikawa (who had told practically all of their coworkers at this point) was talking animatedly before he suddenly looked at the door and jabbed Hanamaki in the stomach. 

“Ow, what the shit Oikawa?” Hanamaki wheezed, looking up to see that his friend’s gaze had not left the front of the store. 

“It’s time, young padawan.” He said solemnly, his face purposefully blank. Frowning in confusion, he followed his friend’s gaze to the front of the store only to see Really-Hot-Guy about to walk in. Sighing in resignation, Hanamaki went over to the register as he walked in - they made eye contact immediately and Hanamaki could see the surprise on the man’s face, though it was quickly covered by a grin. 

“Hey, what can I get you?” Hanamaki started, a small smile on his face. 

“Don’t you know my usual by now? For shame.” Really-Hot-Guy said smoothly, a look of mock hurt on his face. 

“You’re right, I’m a disgrace, how could I ever forget?” Hanamaki said dramatically, a lilt in his voice. They both made eye contact and broke off in chuckles. “An iced coffee then? For…?” 

“Matsukawa.” He grinned as they exchanged the money. 

“Coming right up!” Hanamaki smiled, and he went to the machines to make it. Oikawa made eye contact with him and had the nerve to wiggle his eyebrows at the pink-haired boy (honestly, that was HIS thing, not Oikawa’s). Hanamaki discreetly gave him the finger as he finished making the guy’s coffee. 

“Iced Coffee for Matsukawa!” He exclaimed as per barista routine, smirking as Matsukawa made his way over. 

“Thanks… Hanamaki?” Matsukawa said, pausing for a bit as he read the barista’s name tag. As he took his coffee, their fingers brushed under the cup. 

“So I like your instagram.” Hanamaki casually stated, watching Matsukawa for any type of reaction, and boy, did he get one. Matsukawa’s face went pale and he groaned, screwing his eyelids shut, not seeing Hanamaki’s eyes light up. 

“I, uh- shit, I can, uh, explain?” Matsukawa finished weakly. 

“Well, my shift ends in ten, so how about you wait for me?” Hanamaki asked, and Matsukawa’s head shot up, searching the pink-haired man’s face for any sign of insincerity. 

“Like a date, or?” Matsukawa asked slowly. 

“Yes, like a date. I want to get to know the man behind the meme.” Hanamaki said, a grin growing on his face that was quickly parroted by Matsukawa. 

“A man after my own memes.” Matsukawa said fondly, smirking as he regained some of his composure, and Hanamaki nodded sagely. “See you in ten, then.” 

“See you in ten.” Hanamaki agreed, and Matsukawa made his way to a seat and immediately whipped out his phone, undoubtedly on instagram. A stupid grin made its way onto Hanamaki’s face as he turned back to work, only to find a pair of cheeky-looking brunets staring at him with a look he didn’t like. However, nothing could ruin his mood at the moment, so he just grinned at them and floated his way through the last ten minutes of his shift. He quickly changed into his street clothes, coming out of the back room only to find Oikawa chatting with Matsukawa. Apprehensively, Hanamaki approached them, blanching when he heard what Oikawa was talking about. 

“Honestly, you guys have been thirsting over each other for a month, it’s been long enough-” Oikawa was beaming as he smiled innocently at the dark-haired man, before Hanamaki put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“Oikawa Tooru, if you don’t get back to work in about 0.3 seconds, Iwaizumi is going to know exactly who drew dicks all over his face during the last time we all got drinks.” Hanamaki said, and Oikawa’s face paled at the mention of his boyfriend, but he pouted nevertheless. 

“No fun, Makki-chan! Tell me how the date goes~!” He sang as he scampered off to the safety of the barista counter, high-fiving Yahaba as he skipped back there. 

“He is a dead man.” Hanamaki said solemnly. 

‘RIP, he will be missed. You know Iwaizumi?” Matsukawa agreed, a surprised look in his eyes. 

“Yeah, he and Oikawa have been dating for three years now. How do you know him?” Hanamaki asked. 

“He goes to my gym, we bonded over volleyball and how shitty the music they play is.” Matsukawa said with a lazy grin, gesturing for them to sit down as they both obliged. 

“Shit, you play volleyball, too? Damn, seems everyone I know does. But, a topic for a later date. Now, memes.” Hanamaki demanded, and they both grinned. 

“Are you challenging me to a meme-off, Hanamaki?” 

“Maybe I am.” 

“Wow, and I thought you were a Cool Guy!” Matsukawa said, his voice lilting into a high, squeaky voice reminiscent of the dude from Cool Guy. 

“Watch yourself, you’re about to get rekt.” Hanamaki said, a plan formulating in his head. 

“Bring it, pinky.” Matsukawa challenged, his eyes locked onto the boy’s. 

After taking a deep breath, Hanamaki started, his voice altered and robotic. “We have three connections. I know your meme account, you have been coming to my place of work, and we both know Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi has been with his boyfriend, Oikawa, for three years. Coincidence? I think not.” Matsukawa’s eyes widened as Hanamaki continued, both parties knowing where this was going (and loving every second). “Oikawa calls Iwaizumi Iwa-chan. Iwa has three letters. This conversation has been going on for approximately three minutes. That’s three coincidences that have three in it. Know what else has three of something? A triangle. A triangle has three sides.” 

“Illuminati confirmed.” Hanamaki finished in a hushed whisper, and Matsukawa looked at his with such conviction. 

“Marry me.” Matsukawa said seriously, his expression grim. They both managed to hold back for a few more seconds before they both burst out laughing, wiping tears from their eyes. The rest of the date was spent laughing and telling funny stories, poking fun at each other as if they had known each other for years. It was the start of something perfect.

Epilogue:

“You did what?” Iwaizumi asked as he watched the two interact from the other side of the coffee shop. 

“I set them up, Iwa-chan! I told Mattsun to stop by the coffee shop, and he kept coming for Makki. Makki was thirsting the whole time, and apparently he liked Mattsun’s meme account? Either way, they’re going to make a great couple, thanks to me~!” Oikawa preened, looking over at the two, who were laughing uncontrollably at something. 

“Shittykawa, do you know what monster you’ve created?” Iwaizumi hissed to his boyfriend, who looked at him in confusion. “They both are anything but lightweights. They both kick our asses in Mario Kart. They both have too much snark for their own good. They both have too much dirt on us, Shittykawa.” 

Oikawa’s face quickly contorted from being pleased to mild horror as they slowly turned to gaze at their mutual friends. Both were snarky and fun to be around on their own, but together, they were dangerous. 

“What have I done?” Oikawa asked in quiet terror. Sure, his friends saw the start of something perfect, but as he and his boyfriend stood there, they knew that they were watching the start of something terrifying - the ultimate partners in crime.

**Author's Note:**

> Illuminati confirmed   
> (I have no excuses rip me)  
> Also if you make matsuhana without memes/banter????? u can't???? no ragrets   
> ;)))))))))   
> my tumblr is decadentcandyeagle hmu if you wanna chat or be my friend <3


End file.
